The ever-changing faces of Kan

Kan, where has your face gone? I couldn't help but notice in the new video it had altered yet again, but upon further research, I was mildly disconcerted to discover that besides the continual tweaking of your facial features for each new video, half of your face has, in fact, gone missing since your debut. These predebut images are concerning, mostly because they make me a strong advocate of plastic surgery.

Fast forward to debut. Is this even the same person?! Kan, WHERE HAS YOUR FACE GONE?

I mean, it obviously is, because despite whatever has been removed and/or added, the surgeons appear to have left his uneven eyes intact, which I find rather endearing.

Then Wanna Be Your Love. The ridiculous headgear does a good job of distracting one from the fact that his face is different yet again, but you can't pull the wool over my eyes. I know what's going on. I don't care because despite your expressions looking completely insincere due your original face muscles having been ripped out, you're being molded into an even finer specimen.

So naturally, when Kan tweeted a picture of himself holding his jaw on to his face with a sticking plaster on his cheek and eyes hidden behind shades, I could only assume that in the next video, I could expect a new Kan.

I was not disappointed. The silver locks were not the only style alteration. Nice big eyes Kan, looking a lot more even I must say. I think you lost some cheek as well. And are you Benjamin Buttoning? I swear you're getting younger by the day, and noona here is not complaining.

While perusing tumblr for inspiration for this post, someone said of Kan 'You’re too perfect to be real ♥'. That's because he isn't. This post is by no means a criticism, but rather a celebration of the finely crafted, ever evolving artwork that is Kan.

Lee U holic

This is the perfect song for Christmas, with a little tragedy thrown in for good measure. It's so cute and cheerful, but there is a massive gaping hole. Not even Yejun's adorable smile can fill it. And noticing that Kan's face has changed YET AGAIN does not distract me from the fact that I am all too painfully aware that this F Cuz's first video without Lee U.

Trouble making

It has taken me some time to adjust to the fact that Hyunseung is in fact a man now (he is twenty two after all, almost geriatric in k pop years!) and no longer the wide eyed, confused youngster of yesteryear. And I really thought he had peaked around the Soom/Idol Maid era, but oh no, Hyunseung you have truly blossomed. He had to though, standing next to Hyuna would put most men to shame, but Hyunseung pulls it off effortlessly.

Hyuna! God, I even know which one I fancy more. I'm shocked at how much I love this video. Therapy is on hold. I am, however, having trouble (maker) problems following the plot of the video. I don't know if it's just because I'm so distracted by the, erm, visuals, or it's just not very coherent. I think it's the former. I'm sure all that bugging going on has a story behind it, it's just so hard when those two are flaunting their sexy in my face! All of their sexy! Right in my face!

I feel like I have given my all in nurturing Hyunseung in the creche and now he's flown the nest, a fully fledged babe in his own right. I think our relationship has changed, irreversibly, but that's OK. It's his time to shine.

Oh yeah, the song's not bad either.

Oops, missed this delightful treat. Still no closer to figuring out what the object is, but it's utterly marvellous seeing Mir hold up an old man's ANUS to his face. Mir, you are incorrigible. I love that cheeky glint in your eye.

Mir, seriously?

Can anyone explain to me what in the name of GOD Mir has on his chest? It looks like a statue of an old man with a toothbrush up his anus? Is that really what it is? The most disturbing thing is Mir’s expression. He looks perplexed as to how this old man with item up his anus got on his chest in the first place, but does not seem particularly alarmed by its presence. He appears resigned to his fate. 
‘I am a pretty boy with double eye lids’? Really, Mir? Is that really the message this picture conveys? Your oddball behaviour is definitely what endeared me to you in the first place, and don't get me wrong, I'm partial to a bit of anality in the name of humour, but I'm worried that this sort of thing might land you in trouble with your manager hyungs. It's not quite as bad as Eli tweeting pictures of kids in urinals but whatever, Ogre Thighs can go to jail for all I care. 
Maknae, back in the creche. We need to have words.

Wanna be your love love

So I promised my friend Caitman I would put together a playlist to introduce her to the magic of K pop. Rather than being a chronological history it's a completely subjective account of my own descent into k pop oblivion. At this point, I would like to take the time to express my eternal gratitude to Jessica Jane Howard and, through her, Bunny Bissoux, for my own induction. I am forever in their debt, and a lot of my trivia has undoubtedly sprung from long discussions with Jessica over coffee in the library when we really should have been grasping the fundamentals of Foucault instead of discussing Yejun's latest twitter post. The first K pop video I got obsessed with was F.Cuz's Wanna Be Your Love, also known as Friend’s Graduation, and is about graduating from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. It got put on repeat, largely due to the excessive number of lip-bites, particularly from Lee U and maknae Yejun. It pains me a little to watch this now, as Lee U was my first K pop love and will always have an extra special place in my heart, but alas he has left the band. Rumours abound that he will be replaced by not one but TWO babes (and I can confirm that they are babes), but I feel that no amount of babes can replace Lee U. The styling is supreme, Kan's headgear is spectacular.  Such a simple video, yet says more about these lovely boys than any amount of CGI special effects could ever convey. 

And Lee U's sweater - no need to ask twice. 

An Open Letter to Cube Entertainment

Dear Cube Entertainment,

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Do I even want to see the full length Trouble Maker video if the teaser has incised such violent rage within me that the only thing I can do is watch it over and over again in the vain hope that through repetition I become desensitised and the uncontrollable Jealous Rage burning inside me eventually dissipates and I can enjoy the video purely for its artistic merit? So far, this plan has proved unsuccessful. Freudian repetition-compulsion is when we repeat traumatic events again and again, such as watching a video of the love of one’s life in a compromising situation with a massive babe over and over, unable to stop. I’m pretty sure if Freud wrote ‘Beyond the Pleasure Principle’ today, I would be a case study. This is what you have done to me, Cube. You have turned me into a neurotic worthy of psychoanalytic study. I hope you are proud of yourself.

And to subject Hyunseung to such advances from Hyuna is surely tantamount to sexual abuse? There is ample evidence to support my hypothesis that Hyunseung may not have his mental faculties entirely intact, and his innocent renderings of filthy English songs leave me in no doubt that he is the purest of the pure. He needs someone to look after him, not caress his face and awaken in him feelings that he may not yet understand. Going back to Freud, it is these sexual excitations that manifest themselves in trauma in later life if the recipient does not yet fully grasp the implications of them. Cube, it is time that you handed him back to the crèche, where he can play with Minhwan, Seunghyun and Mir, and never have to worry about the trials and tribulations of getting sexy with Hyuna. It will only confuse and upset him.

Perhaps due to the fact that both Hyunseung and I have undoubtedly been traumatised by your decision to put together this subunit, you should, as a responsible entertainment company, put us into therapy. Together. We can work through our issues together. This is the only possible and acceptable outcome.

I sincerely hope you will consider my proposal.